Protectors of Ancient Knowledge

Wolfe Balthazar, the baby in my womb, ancient soul in this world… I was a about 3 months pregnant when he held my hand as he took me out of my body. Wolfe looked like an adult size energy being, not a baby.

We flew into inner Earth.

Submerging into the ocean and into a whole other world that seemed to exist in another dimension overlapping the one we can normally perceive. A place with live and intelligent blue lightning that swirled, curved and struck underneath volcanos. As we arrived to our destination, I observed a stone on the ground. It was not a huge stone, about my size and round. It had carvings on it, I recognized spiral-like symbols that seemed to be vibrant and alive, not ‘fixed in stone’ at all. The rock had a feeling to it and I came to the understanding that it held important knowledge we are not ready for.

There were GIANT monks with blue eyes, in brown hooded robes with expressionless faces. They are in charge of protecting the ancient knowledge for humanity so that we may be able to get it when we are finally ready. So that we don’t destroy it. They moved it from place to place, never kept in the same location for long. They carefully chose places with impossible storms and in this way, nature protects it. The monks were in a state of deep meditation.

They were carrying a huge temple on their shoulders.


The temple was majestic, like an ancient greek looking temple. In the background there was constant chanting, OM, OM, OM. Non-stop, deep baritone voices. There was an asian monk overseeing the migration of the sacred temple of knowledge. Suddenly I was pregnant with Wolfe instead of him being outside of me in his astral form. I was stunned, mouth open near the monk that is overseeing the move. In his depth of perception he noticed me and put his gigantic hand on my pregnant stomach.

I immediately felt a surge of energy blast my stomach which caused me to return into my body momentarily. I felt afraid but I was still in the astral and I didn’t want to run away, somehow Wolfe eased me and I entered back into my astral consciousness. The monk handed me a paper that said something strange I couldn’t quite decipher. The feeling I got was that it was for Wolfe. After receiving the note I went back into my body. My body was tingling and I kept touching my belly to see if Wolfe was ok.

This experience kickstarted the many astral and dream journeys that would follow with my baby in the womb. As much as my mind wanted a ‘normal’ pregnancy with the thought of a cute little baby, this was my new reality. Wolfe Balthazar, the soul, was a cosmic explorer, just like his mama! 😉

signature again

Name of Origin – Tree of Life

In the beginning, Wolfe was an Ancient Being. As he grew in my womb, he became more of a baby persona, but all in all, he has always had this old warrior-soul presence.

Our second “meeting” took place in the very beginning of my pregnancy. He broke through the dream veil and showed me his long journey into this life.

He presented me with ancient kabbalah or alchemical charts similar to the one below:

KircherTreeLife(image – Kircher Tree of Life)
Like the tree of life mixed with symbols and geometric shapes on aged paper. It looked like a magical map. He explained telepathically that he had been searching for Dmitry (my husband) for EONS! He said the search had been so long that he had to journey all the way to Dmitry’s name of origin, and trace him throughout all his lifetimes. Dmitry’s name of origin began with a W.

(image source –

It was located at the root of this tree of life chart. It was a complicated and long name, not unlike the old hebrew or angelic type of names. It suddenly hit me, everything Dmitry names, starts with a W. His music projects, his business, his own ‘chosen’ last name, and his son’s name. He even has a painting with Ws. I believe that art is the closest thing to the soul, and this W seems to obviously resonate with him, and now I know why. Wow!

In Wild Wonder,

signature again



I Am a Mother – Part 1

I didn’t grow up dreaming about one day becoming a mother. I couldn’t even imagine it, as if it was not in my destiny to become one. As a matter of fact, in my journals I would often write,

“I am not a mother, I do not procreate!”

For some strange and existential reason, I felt strongly about not leaving anyone behind in this world. In my early 20s I was in a relationship where ‘he’ didn’t want children either and so my wishes were safe. That relationship ended, and it never happened even though I had begun to play with the thought, but only as a fantasy. Then I met my current husband. I told him, “I am not a mother.” He said, “Ok.” As the years passed, we began talking about it here and there. But our shadows were still loose and untamed. Somehow, the possibility of children drove us to face our darkness and instead of birthing babies, we began to birth ourselves. The process was painful and dangerous, but eventually we broke through to the other side.

I asked for a dream.

In the dream I appeared at the mouth of a cave. A bearded old man wearing a robe stood at the entrance, he looked like a wizard. He smiled and said, “Go through the cave, ask your question as you walk, the answer is on the other side.” I immediately knew what I would ask. I always wanted to know if I would have children, if I would ever be a mother. I was already in my mid 30s and had the curiosity.

I walked through the darkness of the cave.

As I walked I asked the question out loud, and held onto it in my thoughts. I could see the light at the end of the cave and soon could see there was a beach on the other side. It was a beautiful golden sunset. There was a teenage boy standing tall, staring out into the horizon with a look of adventure in his eyes that I have only seen in my husband and in the “Fool” tarot card. He looked like him too, a dreamer, an optimist. Behind him, at a short distance, was a very tall teenage girl, long black hair with bangs. She seemed a bit younger than the boy. Her sleeves were too short for her long arms. She seemed so skinny and awkward, in a sweet way. I immediately felt my heart swell, my thoughts were “She needs me. My daughter needs me!” This instinct to protect came full force. I turned around to get back into the cave and start making these 2 beautiful beings, but I suddenly saw my older sister walking behind a 1 year old baby, taking care of him. I wondered, mine or hers? I woke up and my first words to my husband were, “My children, I left them in the dream! They need me!”

My heart knew.

The realization hit me hard. I was a mother, and my children were somewhere in dreamscapes waiting for us to finally get over ourselves and begin to bring them forth. We tried once, the pregnancy didn’t last, it was a blighted ovum. We were on a mission, so as soon as we could, we tried again. This time, success!

My husband dreamed: I am staring out into a lake, something is bubbling under the surface of the water. Suddenly the words “IT’S A BOY!” pop out of the water and float into the air. 

I thought to myself, yes, the boy is here.

And so,

I am a mother.

preggo bw small

*big knowing smile*

signature again