A DREAMER’S INTENTION

Sitting here with my new planner, I decided to start the day with the Dreamer’s intention. I just love the smell of incense, my smokey desk gets more dreamy by the minute. Visions of what is emerging coming to light.

It is still incredible to me how much of myself I don’t know just yet, at least not from this perspective in consciousness. The mystery continues as to what is next to rise from my own depths. Even as I just sit here and sip on coffee, I can taste what is behind the curtain of my unconscious.
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There is always someone there with me, looking through my eyes, whispering into my mind and I welcome it. Tired as I am, being a first-time mom, this presence still beckons and calls. I could even say that it is closer than ever before. And though most my dreams seem to quasi-vanish with my baby’s midnight cries, I can sense that I am not needed. The wheels were set in motion way before Wolfe Balthazar was born, and they are not stopping. I find comfort in knowing that I can still tap into my dreams long enough to know the importance of what is happening throughout all dimensions at this moment in time.
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Reality is not only here, even though we perceive it as the only real place in which our consciousness exists. How vast I feel when I indulge in my soul’s knowing and let that truth in. The real reality from which this illusion is created has been knocking on my door and the journeys have opened my eyes to the place where I will be awakening to. Dreams have acted as the portal into this other reality and yet, even that real reality is one more layer within the dream. We are effortlessly emerging because there is only one way to go, Up! Sinking is a part of emerging. So, today I sink into the vastness of my true self, wherever or whatever that may be is not important right now. What is important is that I am surrendering to the process with all its unknowns and allowing myself to grow.

In darkness & light,

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THROUGH THE GATES

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I get excited at the thought of meditating
Knowing that I may reach a different… deeper state of awareness
Knowing that I am entering forgotten territories
Knowing that my soul will begin to remember

I begin to enter through the gates of the unconscious
Penetrating layers of mystery and magic
Feeling as though I’ve been waiting for a long lost lover
Lust for the unknown filling my head, my breath, & my heart

I had so much to say and now I am speechless
Time falls away, It was never there to begin with
My identity falls away as I expand into my true nature
This is my real home… where I live… where I love
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MY SPACESHIP

spaceship My whole life I have had split lives due to my astral and dream experiences. I sit here and write this with 35 years of astral/OBE exploration under my cosmic belt. I am not here to tell you what astral projection is, because nobody knows what it really is. 

 

Things have changed, this isn’t the same Universe anymore. The only way to treat a subject this mysterious, is to keep expanding upon it, and evolving with it. What was out of body now seems to be an inner/outer realm projection, and so those astral lands we travel into are transforming as we are transforming ourselves. So, I am here writing about something that has happened to me for decades, and yet I find myself once again at the door.

Face to face with an untamed aspect of my being.

So, what is the key to understanding “out” of body experiences? Something that keeps redefining itself over and over again. How do we even attempt to ‘trap’ this wild creature long enough to study it? Deep inside I know it should remain untamed. We are always trying to see things from places of the past, how things used to be, how past authors and teachers have described it. Well, I’ll tell you one thing, I was there during those first times when it came out into the general public through the rise of the internet era. Reading people describe astral war zone scenarios made me feel overprotective of the new youth starting to investigate this magical phenomena. So many personal ‘truths’ that did not apply to everyone but that were clearly influencing them, and not in the way that honored their individually unique paths.

I changed my astral world the moment I got ‘attacked’.

Other people’s OBE experiences entered my personal astral sphere, and I am glad it did because I stepped into my own journey stronger than ever. I was having an out of body experience when suddenly a creature/man throwing orange orbs at me, appeared out of nowhere. A semi nude, bald, and faceless creature with no nipples. Yes, fear struck me for a second but I refused to follow the advice of the astral teachers of that time and I refused to fight back, summon a legion, or conjure a weapon. Instead I crouched into the ground and let orbs hit me as I made time to think. The orbs seemed to be striking an outer layer of some sort, as if I were in a bubble. It was making me shake, but there was no pain. In the midst of the attack I came to the inner knowing,

I cannot be destroyed.

I began to relax. I stood up and said, “You can continue attacking me, let me know when you are done and we can talk, go for a walk or fly around together.” The creature eventually got tired of attacking me and stopped.  It transformed into a kind young person and I extended my hand, he took it. We floated around the astral realms, hand in hand. I was permanently transformed. I did not follow the hype, I followed my gut, and that is what I am asking you to do when it comes to your exploration through the astral world.

Bridging the gap in memory, remembrance, perceptions, and states of consciousness came about when I was in my early 20s. I was seen flying around in the astral by my sister who was in the waking world and in another occasion, by a friend who was sleeping over at my house. On both occasions they were just opening their eyes from sleep in that in-between state. At that moment I knew there was such a thing as transitioning between conscious states of awareness, between energy ‘bodies/minds’.

I was no longer invisible.

Since I was little I was very familiar with the concept of spirit guides or guardian angels and so I always had a sense of safety during my explorations. I was raised catholic, though I no longer follow a religion. But what that catholic background did was allow me to experience that sort of faith in God. Since then, that God concept has expanded into something different but I still have it within, the unshakable love within my heart. And though catholisism also puts a bunch of crap into your brain, this was one positive thing I take with me, the strength that comes with faith.

My father was a believer in all things cosmic. He believed most of the bible contained extraterrestrial activity. He taught me an important lesson about defining things in life, when I asked who made God, his response was a bunch of stories about the origins of God. Finally he told me to scratch all that he had said, and that nobody really knew. He looked me in the eye and said the words that would change my life,

“Only you can find your own truth.”

He advised me to read books on philosophy, religion and poetry. I was just a child. So, if my father, the superman of my world, knower of all things, didn’t know who made God or where God comes from….Exactly!

When I need answers, I look into my dreams. In this particular dream, I was standing in a podium in front of a lot of dream and esoteric teachers. I became semi-lucid and wondered, what the hell am I going to say? To my surprise I just began to speak naturally. My first words were, “Dreams/dreaming is the process of reverse engineering.” I paused because this phrase caused a commotion in the room. People began to write this down wherever they could. Apparently it was that important. I myself was surprised by the phrase. But the feelings that accompanied the phrase in the dream were clarity, focus and knowing. Think about it for a second, what if the astral and dream worlds are a sort of forgotten technology?

Our spaceship out of this world.

Our spacecraft into the next level? Have we lost the manual somewhere the depths of our multidimensional unconscious? Our abandoned ‘craft’. What if all of our different “Energy Bodies” are different parts of the same ‘ship’ fragmented and separate because we forgot how to work all parts of the ship simultaneously, consciously. The problem is that we use this dimension as the only point of reference, as the starting point from which we perceive. Shifting that point of reference and opening up to our other conscious or unconscious aspects will thrust us into the next level of expansion.

When I was little I had a plan. In school we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. It was a project we had to elaborate on. I had no doubt about my mission, I was going to be the first woman, to create a vehicle, that would fly OUT of the Universe. I had plans drawn out and the whole thing. My parents found this amusing and shared it around the dinner table with friends, apparently this was funny to people. Years later I realized, I don’t need to build the vehicle, I am that vehicle.

You are that vehicle.

We are that technology. And we are reverse engineering our lost forgotten ship, awakening our craft, and writing these manuals as best we can. Even though there are so many ‘missing’ parts, let’s uncover them fearlessly, inspiring strength, respecting each unique individual’s journey, believing in the Universe and trusting the Unknown. 

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This was a featured article in the Dream Pioneers Newsletter:ASTRAL EXPANSION
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OWN IT! It’s your strength not your weakness.

If you are naturally intuitive
And in touch with the world through your psychic abilities
If you are a conscious human being/spirit,

Then Own It!

Don’t call it coo coo
Woo woo
Crazy
Weird
Airy fairy
That kind of ‘stuff’
It is actually not weird at all
Not crazy in the least
And definitely not woo woo or airy fairy
This weakens what is actually the strength of your soul
Your Source
Yes, I am a psychic dreamer
Yes, I manifest my own reality
I am also many other things that people would consider ‘normal’
I also stand behind those qualities in myself
I know it’s not for everyone
I won’t tip toe around what I really am
Who I am at the core
Neither should you
Don’t diminish or apologize for who you truly are
It’s what makes you strong
It’s who you were born to be.

Love,

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“Who made God?” – Happy Birthday Dad!

It all began with a conversation I had with my father at around age six. Our talks and long walks were memorable and epic. Hours could go by in one second. Things really began to shift in my mind thanks to him.

Conversation:

Me: Dad?

Dad: Yes Jenni?

Me: Who was Jesus?

Dad: People say he is the son of God…but I believe he was an extraterrestrial, and the guiding star that led the wise men to the manger was a UFO.

Me: Why are we here, I mean, where do we come from?

Dad: God.

Me: And who is God? How did God make us? If God made us then who made God?

Dad: One day, God was lonely and decided to create man, he grabbed a piece of clay and blew his breath on it, that clay became man, and man got lonely one day, so he took man’s rib and created woman.

Me: Clay?

Dad: Actually, scratch that… um.. there was once a being that was both male and female, in time both parts became separated and every male lost it’s female part and every female lost her male part. And so forever since then, we are always in search of our other half that we lost loooong ago..

Actually scratch that too, the truth Jenni, the real truth, is that nobody knows. And if you want answers, go find them yourself. Look into books. Go to libraries, under the religion, philosophy and poetry sections. These will help lead you to your own answers, to the understanding of all the mysteries in life.

Me: ok, I will.

That night, I went to sleep with a deep sense of responsibility to find my own answers.. I mean, my dad was supposed to know it ALL, he was my hero. He was perfect in my child eyes. And for him not to know and admit that, well, that in itself was life changing. I had to go find out, my curiosity was intense. It was a powerful realization.

I drifted into dreams of ufos, jesus, man/woman beings and clay men coming to life. My life would never be the same again.

And so I now find myself many years later, the product of that conversation still. I now know where to find the answer, not from a library or a book, although a lot of books inspire me and point me toward the right direction. I found that I have to look deep within my heart, where truth lives, the long sought key to the door.

Thanks Dad! Happy Birthday to youuuuuu!

Love,

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Protectors of Ancient Knowledge

Wolfe Balthazar, the baby in my womb, ancient soul in this world… I was a about 3 months pregnant when he held my hand as he took me out of my body. Wolfe looked like an adult size energy being, not a baby.

We flew into inner Earth.

Submerging into the ocean and into a whole other world that seemed to exist in another dimension overlapping the one we can normally perceive. A place with live and intelligent blue lightning that swirled, curved and struck underneath volcanos. As we arrived to our destination, I observed a stone on the ground. It was not a huge stone, about my size and round. It had carvings on it, I recognized spiral-like symbols that seemed to be vibrant and alive, not ‘fixed in stone’ at all. The rock had a feeling to it and I came to the understanding that it held important knowledge we are not ready for.

There were GIANT monks with blue eyes, in brown hooded robes with expressionless faces. They are in charge of protecting the ancient knowledge for humanity so that we may be able to get it when we are finally ready. So that we don’t destroy it. They moved it from place to place, never kept in the same location for long. They carefully chose places with impossible storms and in this way, nature protects it. The monks were in a state of deep meditation.

They were carrying a huge temple on their shoulders.

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The temple was majestic, like an ancient greek looking temple. In the background there was constant chanting, OM, OM, OM. Non-stop, deep baritone voices. There was an asian monk overseeing the migration of the sacred temple of knowledge. Suddenly I was pregnant with Wolfe instead of him being outside of me in his astral form. I was stunned, mouth open near the monk that is overseeing the move. In his depth of perception he noticed me and put his gigantic hand on my pregnant stomach.

I immediately felt a surge of energy blast my stomach which caused me to return into my body momentarily. I felt afraid but I was still in the astral and I didn’t want to run away, somehow Wolfe eased me and I entered back into my astral consciousness. The monk handed me a paper that said something strange I couldn’t quite decipher. The feeling I got was that it was for Wolfe. After receiving the note I went back into my body. My body was tingling and I kept touching my belly to see if Wolfe was ok.

This experience kickstarted the many astral and dream journeys that would follow with my baby in the womb. As much as my mind wanted a ‘normal’ pregnancy with the thought of a cute little baby, this was my new reality. Wolfe Balthazar, the soul, was a cosmic explorer, just like his mama! 😉

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Name of Origin – Tree of Life

In the beginning, Wolfe was an Ancient Being. As he grew in my womb, he became more of a baby persona, but all in all, he has always had this old warrior-soul presence.

Our second “meeting” took place in the very beginning of my pregnancy. He broke through the dream veil and showed me his long journey into this life.

He presented me with ancient kabbalah or alchemical charts similar to the one below:

KircherTreeLife(image – Kircher Tree of Life)
Like the tree of life mixed with symbols and geometric shapes on aged paper. It looked like a magical map. He explained telepathically that he had been searching for Dmitry (my husband) for EONS! He said the search had been so long that he had to journey all the way to Dmitry’s name of origin, and trace him throughout all his lifetimes. Dmitry’s name of origin began with a W.

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(image source – calligraphyalphabet.org)

It was located at the root of this tree of life chart. It was a complicated and long name, not unlike the old hebrew or angelic type of names. It suddenly hit me, everything Dmitry names, starts with a W. His music projects, his business, his own ‘chosen’ last name, and his son’s name. He even has a painting with Ws. I believe that art is the closest thing to the soul, and this W seems to obviously resonate with him, and now I know why. Wow!

In Wild Wonder,

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December 3rd

December 3rd will forever be the day of my birth in this dream called Earth. I was born with only a few memories out of space and out of time. I will gather a few more visions of the magic beyond this realm, as I stare into my new Crystal Ball “Love Stone” ring tonight.

IMG_20141203_132500_resized_1I had a beautiful blue colored day and I ate the food from my birth-land, Peru. One of the gifts from my husband was the beautiful Rose Quartz, Crystal Ball ring. Unconditional love portal. 

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My magical vision board is finally in orbit.

IMG_20141203_080112_resized_1The most important message popped into my tea cup this morning.

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Just WOW!

Nite loves!

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I Am a Mother – Part 1

I didn’t grow up dreaming about one day becoming a mother. I couldn’t even imagine it, as if it was not in my destiny to become one. As a matter of fact, in my journals I would often write,

“I am not a mother, I do not procreate!”

For some strange and existential reason, I felt strongly about not leaving anyone behind in this world. In my early 20s I was in a relationship where ‘he’ didn’t want children either and so my wishes were safe. That relationship ended, and it never happened even though I had begun to play with the thought, but only as a fantasy. Then I met my current husband. I told him, “I am not a mother.” He said, “Ok.” As the years passed, we began talking about it here and there. But our shadows were still loose and untamed. Somehow, the possibility of children drove us to face our darkness and instead of birthing babies, we began to birth ourselves. The process was painful and dangerous, but eventually we broke through to the other side.

I asked for a dream.

In the dream I appeared at the mouth of a cave. A bearded old man wearing a robe stood at the entrance, he looked like a wizard. He smiled and said, “Go through the cave, ask your question as you walk, the answer is on the other side.” I immediately knew what I would ask. I always wanted to know if I would have children, if I would ever be a mother. I was already in my mid 30s and had the curiosity.

I walked through the darkness of the cave.

As I walked I asked the question out loud, and held onto it in my thoughts. I could see the light at the end of the cave and soon could see there was a beach on the other side. It was a beautiful golden sunset. There was a teenage boy standing tall, staring out into the horizon with a look of adventure in his eyes that I have only seen in my husband and in the “Fool” tarot card. He looked like him too, a dreamer, an optimist. Behind him, at a short distance, was a very tall teenage girl, long black hair with bangs. She seemed a bit younger than the boy. Her sleeves were too short for her long arms. She seemed so skinny and awkward, in a sweet way. I immediately felt my heart swell, my thoughts were “She needs me. My daughter needs me!” This instinct to protect came full force. I turned around to get back into the cave and start making these 2 beautiful beings, but I suddenly saw my older sister walking behind a 1 year old baby, taking care of him. I wondered, mine or hers? I woke up and my first words to my husband were, “My children, I left them in the dream! They need me!”

My heart knew.

The realization hit me hard. I was a mother, and my children were somewhere in dreamscapes waiting for us to finally get over ourselves and begin to bring them forth. We tried once, the pregnancy didn’t last, it was a blighted ovum. We were on a mission, so as soon as we could, we tried again. This time, success!

My husband dreamed: I am staring out into a lake, something is bubbling under the surface of the water. Suddenly the words “IT’S A BOY!” pop out of the water and float into the air. 

I thought to myself, yes, the boy is here.

And so,

I am a mother.

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*big knowing smile*

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